What You Make It

My very lovely friend Lara has been an example to me since the day I met her.  When I began law school, I was worried that everyone would be angry competitive sharks.  I had just left Madrid, and I was still reeling from my decision to leave the sun and wine soaked terraces for three years of darkness and tears. (yes.  I am a dramatic person.)

But then I met Lara.  Lara was a ray of sunshine.  She emanated freedom and comfort and faith in a world that was beautiful.  I soon learned that we came from similar backgrounds and had somehow come to similar worldviews.  I admired her strength and ability to be forthcoming and comfortable with ideas that I still found intimidating and awkward.

More than that, Lara wasn't worried that she had traded her free spirit for life behind a desk.  She seemed to understand that her life would still be whatever she chose for it to be.  Throughout law school, Lara continued to believe in the beauty of the life she chose. While she excelled academically and professionally, she never lost sight of who she was.  She found a way to travel and work and study and play while the rest of us complained about being trapped by our choices. When the grueling Bar Exam was over, Lara went to the other side of the world with her German boyfriend (whom she met backpacking in South America) and heard the good news of her passing from India. 

I worried for Lara sometimes.  The job market is brutal is California (as most places), and she was choosing to wander instead of getting a head start on finding permanent employment.  But, resilient as ever, Lara eventually found her way back to California, attacked the task of applying to jobs with a vengeance, and was soon gainfully employed.

Basically, Lara unintentionally proved to me over and over again that living in fear and doubt was a choice I'd made for myself -- not something that was happening to me.

I'm not done traveling and playing.  I'm not done with carefree nights in foreign countries or learning about new cultures or meeting strangers.  I'm not done with adventure and risks and experimentation. 

Right now, studying for the Bar Exam, it's easy to pity myself and reduce myself to the results of the Exam.  It's easy to imagine that the predictable future is the only possible vision for me.  I'm happy with the path I've chosen right now, but it's refreshing to remind myself that I can choose whatever life, whatever journey, I wake up and desire tomorrow.

I'm going to protect my own happiness, because it isn't anyone else's responsibility.  I have the life I want, and -- if I continue to be brave enough to follow my bliss -- I always will.

Thank you, Lara, for being a living lesson.  May you never lose your sense of strength, tranquility, and light.  I love you more than I can say, and my life is more beautiful for having you in it.