You feel like home to me

My beautiful and dear friends Tarren and Becca came to visit me last weekend.  I have never cried and laughed so much in such a short period of time.  I haven't missed the beach or the burritos or the happy hour specials nearly as much as I thought I would, but my god do I miss you lovely people who read my blog.  It is easy for me to walk away from places... even though I've been lucky to live in some beautiful ones.  But it has always been people who feel like home to me, and these girls are prime examples.

Laughing and drinking and drinking with the girls, it's easy to pretend that we have been this comfortable and close since the summer we met.  But the truth is, we had to work for these friendships. We took care of each other after heartbreaks, practiced and critiqued oral argument together, held bags for each other to vomit in, didn't kill each other when our cycles were synched, endured each other's misled romantic choices, ran each other's errands, and kept each other's juicy secrets when we were so excited we wanted to burst.  That's how we woke up one day and found that nothing was as satisfying or cathartic as all three crawling into bed together on Sunday morning with cups of coffee and messy hair for storytime. And it's worth all the dues we paid.

I had a hard time when Tarren and Becca left Anchorage, and the friend-shaped hole in my heart still hurts a little for the feel of family and unconditional love.  I do very much feel at peace with being in Alaska, and it's not without its joys.  I've been beyond blessed with the people I've met, and there really isn't much to complain about. I'm learning an overwhelming amount about who I am personally and professionally and hopefully moving more and more toward the person I want to be.  There are strong and weak days, but mostly I'm committed to building my relationships and career here and learning to be a good Alaskan even if I have to buy new outerwear every season, adjust how often I wear stilettos,  and stumble along as I learn new sports as well as social and cultural rules.

Alaska and law school are similar in that if someone had presented me with a complete list up front of every expense involved, I probably never would have followed through.  The same goes for general emotional struggles. Luckily, the purchases and traumas came as surprises one by one until I stayed long enough to realize that I'd spent too much to back out.

I went to the Anchorage museum with new friends today, and I was entranced by the Alaskan history represented by some of the exhibits.  Although I felt humbled by how little I knew, I also felt proud to be a recent addition to the state.  It inspired me to educate myself a bit more about my new home, and it's probably the most interested in Alaska itself I've truly been so far.  This relationship between Alaska and me... honestly, it is still work.  But I hope one day -- after I invest enough -- I feel as comforted, accepted, and whole as I do standing in the cold with Tarren and Becca waiting for the liquor store to open.